Beautiful Simplicity.

Reevaluating a lot right now.

It just feels nice to have someone to talk to for once, who actually cares to listen.

“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”

Spinal fracture, bone spurs, cyst in wrist bone, endometriosis, occipital neuralgia, costochondritis, fibromyalgia, small kidney, umbilical hernia, knee problems.. 

Random list of health issues? I wish. But those are my medical conditions. 

I don’t personally know anyone that can relate to having so many health conditions at once, but I’ll be the first to admit that it isn’t easy. Lately, I’ve been in a rut. I’ve been given more bad test results over the past few weeks that have just been adding to the negativity. I’ve allowed my poor health to rule my life, and I can say I’m disappointed in myself for this. I always said that I’d overcome anything thrown my way, but lately I’ve just succumbed to my issues and in a sense given up. I get emotional, in terrible moods, and just cry or worry most of the time. My boyfriend tries his hardest to be supportive, but I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with lately and since we live together, I know this is hard on him as well. I try my best to put that smile on my face and act fine so that others don’t have to worry or deal with my poor attitude, but that’s all it’s been; an act.

I’ll admit it though. I’m scared, overwhelmed, in pain, sad, and pessimistic.

But right now, that’s all about to change. I need to be my determined self again if I want to beat all of this and come out on top. I don’t care what life has in store for me, I’m going to be happy again. I’m going to be the daughter, and girlfriend that I once was. The loving, sweet, adventurous, energetic, funny, person that I should be. I’m going to be healthy again, at any cost. I’m going to live my life to the fullest extent possible. NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME FROM FULFILLING MY DESIRES AND DREAMS. If I want to do something, I’m going to. My health isn’t going to be a factor anymore. I’m going to push myself everyday to do things and get out, despite my pain. Happiness is all a state of mind, and it’s going back to being mine.

I found out today that I have a cyst in the bone of my wrist. I’m not sure if it’s life threatening, or if it will be able to be surgically removed before it does permanent damage to the bone. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared, but I’m keeping that brave face on so that no one else around me has to worry. 

The only thing keeping me strong is that I know I’m here for a reason, because I’ve already overcome about a dozen other medical conditions. So, whatever it may be, I’ll continue to fight through anything thrown my way.

minorbend:

i hate when people ask me what’s wrong. I never know how to respond. How can you explain something to someone when you don’t even understand yourself.